www  wuman  com
by YohjisKarebear
Summary: Hard to describe. Post wars. Trowa finds Duo's secret stash of pocky ckyt. They pick on Wufei under the influence of said substance. Hilarity and revenge ensue. Crappy summary, funny fic. Rated for some language and use of illegal substance.


AN: Whats a couple of young girls supposed to do during a boring, early morning train ride, with not enough sleep? Talk about what the g-boys would do in different situations of course. This subject just morphed into a complete ficlet. scary!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing or the characters I just play with them for fun. They belong to the awsome creators who brought them to us, and the only one I can easily name is Bandai, although i know there are other names too. o.O

KBKB

"Damn it where is it? I swear I had it in this drawer!" Duo searched the hidden compartment in his underwear drawer again, then scratched his head and tilted it to the side. "Hmm. Maybe I moved it, but I doubt it." Ten minutes later there were clothes all over his room and some had even flown into the hallway. Quatre was walking down the hall to go to his room and almost tripped face first into a pile of dirty, smelly Duo clothes. He popped his head into Duo's room and looked around, puzzled.

"Duo, what are you looking for? Can I help?" Duo would need help cleaning this mess back up and none of the others would be willing to help him Quatre knew.

Duo jumped about a foot in the air at the sound of Quatre's voice and turned around quickly. "What am I looking for? Uhhh… ermm… I'm looking for… looking for my…my pocky." Duo put a finger up in the air as if coming to a brilliant conclusion then started putting his pointer fingers together with a somewhat sheepish look (anime style). "Yeah my pocky!"

Quatre blinked at this revelation. "Pocky? All this for _pocky_? I have some pocky in my room if you are that desperate. I actually have five or six flavors so you can have whatever you want."

Duo shook his head fervently. "No, no, no. That won't work. It was very… ummm… _special pocky_. Only that pocky will do." Duo looked about ready to cry he was so upset that his pocky was missing.

Quatre shook his head at Duo's desperation. "Ok, well good luck finding it." He walked away from Duo's room still shaking his head and wondering why someone would get so worked up over _pocky_ of all things.

KBKB

After an hour with out any luck finding his stash Duo sulkingly decided to work on his gundam. Working on Deathscythe usually cheered him up but he doubted it would work today. He entered the hangar and went straight to work tightening bolts and greasing the moving parts of his gundam. After a few minutes he started to notice a certain odor; a very recognizable, utterly identifiable odor. Eyebrow raised he sniffed the air and thought to himself -I know that smell.- He started trying to track the smell and when he got to Trowa's gundam he realized that the scent was strongest there. It had to be coming from the Heavyarms.

Duo looked up and narrowed his eyes as the cockpit of Trowa's gundam opened releasing a plume of smoke. It had obviously been clam-baked. Duo placed his hands on his hips and growled out, "Oh, _HELL_ no! He did not take my _pocky_!"

Trowa looked down and noticed Duo standing at Heavyarm's feet and he jumped down laughing. "Hey man, whassup? I found this stuff and it's great. You should try it, you'll feel awesome!" He continued laughing lightly.

Duo developed an angry symbol on the side of his forehead. "Yah, I know. I have tried it, and what you just used was _mine!_" He was clenching and unclenching his fists, imagining them wrapped around Trowa's neck.

Trowa blinked, failing to remove the dazed look from his face. "No waaayyy. That could explain why it was in that secret compartment in your underwear drawer." Then his expression shifted from dazed to dazed-confused. "That might also explain why you are usually so happy all the time."

Duo added a twitchy eyebrow to his angry sign. "Yah makes perfect sense now doesn't it? You know I made that compartment for the express reason of nobody finding my _pocky_!!!"

Trowa leaned a bit on Duo and placed an arm around his neck. "Don' worry D; we'll get ya some more… I gots some connections… I think." Trowa stopped breathing in Duo's face to look around with a contemplative look on his face. Then he turned back face to face with Duo. "Yo man, you got any munchies with you? I'm starving."

KBKB

Quatre was confused; he couldn't find Trowa anywhere. He'd looked in the kitchen, living room, indoor pool, and in the bedroom they shared, but the tall, quiet boy was nowhere to be found. As a last resort Quatre decided to check the Gundam hangar, it was a long shot since their Gundams were both repaired already but who knew maybe the unibanged boy thought of something else to check on his gundam. He opened the door and nearly dropped his jaw to the floor. Trowa was standing with his arm around Duo and their faces were mere inches apart; he immediately started seeing red. The only thought in his head at that moment was a simple one. -Oh... No... You... di-in't! Not with my man!!!-

Duo looked up at the faint sound of the door opening and quickly turned his head toward the door recognizing Quatre's sparse frame outlined there. "Hey Q, whassup?"

Quatre narrowed his eyes put his fists on his hips and tilted his head to the side, "Duo, Trowa, what do you think you're doing?"

Duo nearly jumped at the accusing sound of Quatre's voice. He then put his hands on Trowa's shoulders and started shoving him toward Quatre. "It's not what you think you see, Quatre. Honest! Here you can have him."

Quatre blinked and his angry accusing look faded into one of utter confusion. "Okayyy." Quatre then raised an eyebrow and looked closer at Trowa. Something just didn't seem right about the taller boy. "Tro, what's wrong with you?"

Trowa jus smiled lovingly (-cough- sappily -cough-) at Quatre, his look clearly stating that currently all was happiness and roses in his world. "I'm doin' great, babe." He started to stroke Quatre's face lightly, which caused Quatre to stiffen up. Trowa was never one for public displays of affection.

Quatre took a few short steps away from Trowa and looked at him closely. "Ok, where's the real Trowa and what did you do with him. If he's hurt I'll kill you." Trowa flashed Quatre an aghast look.

"Quatre, babe, I'm right here, what do you mean where am I?" Trowa abruptly changed his demeanor, becoming very suggestive and grabbing Quatre's ass and squeezing slightly. "But I know where I wanna be." Trowa leered at Quatre.

Quatre finally realized why Trowa was acting the way he was and sighed and rolled his eyes. Looking Trowa directly in the eyes, he said "You know what this means…?"

Trowa's drug glazed eyes perked up as he pondered his options. "Hot sex??..."

Quatre smiled slightly and shook his head slowly. "Not as such…no."

The all but forgotten Duo, nearly laughed aloud at the sudden crestfallen look on Trowa's face, and the whispered "Damn."

Duo stood there shaking his head as Quatre lead Trowa back to the house and put him to bed to sleep off his high. "I don't wanna know where that came from."

KBKB

Duo and Trowa shared the special 'pocky' a couple of times after that and then one night, about 3 months after the first incident, they decided to have a movie night and drink with Quatre and Heero. They made it through one movie and about two drinks each when Duo decided to bring out the good stuff.

He stood in front of the television and held his hands behind his back. "I have this great game we could play. It's actually a drinking game but I think we can make it a little more fun. Say hello to my little friends." He brought his hands from behind his back and unfurled two baggies of weed, aka his 'special pocky'. He also pulled some squares of paper and a couple sheets of instructions from his back pocket. "Here we have the Weiss Kreuz drinking game, or in our case the Weiss Kreuz pot game."

Heero stayed in the room until the middle of the second episode, already tired of the fumes and complaints about having to catch up with every appearance of ugly orange clothing, when glasses glinted, or when a weapon is licked. And we can't forget about every time there is a lack of blood from a major injury. Throughout the game he hadn't participated, per se, he had only occasionally sipped his sake and inhaled the others' fumes. He had to work in the morning with Wufei after all. The other three didn't even blink an eye when he left to go to bed at 11:30 pm.

KBKB

Duo, Quatre, and Trowa didn't sleep the entire evening, not counting when they all passed out within minutes of each other, picking up where they left off upon regaining consciousness.

At 7:30 Heero and Wufei were in the kitchen finishing their breakfast when a giggling Quatre and Trowa and a smirking Duo entered the room. Their eyes were all bloodshot and the boys were weaving a little bit. Heero raised his eyebrow but wasn't worried. What trouble could 3 boys, who were higher than kites, cause?

Duo nudged Trowa's elbow to remind him of what they had planned earlier. Trowa tried to calm himself down before approaching Wufei. He took a deep breath then started, "Wu-w-wu-WuFEI, I thought of the perfect website for you. Dude, you'd get so many hits on it. Ya wanna know what it is?" Trowa's eyes got wider and he tilted his head to the side.

Wufei raised his head, looked at Trowa, and without changing his expression, he said "No." Heero just observed the situation, sipping his coffee, with no clue as to what was going to happen.

Trowa ignored Wufei's answer, getting all worked up again. Quatre broke out into renewed giggle fits and Duo's smirk became a full on grin. Trowa turned and shushed Quatre so that he wouldn't have to calm himself down again before facing Wufei again. "Ok, here it is. You ready?"

Wufei threw Heero a 'what the fuck' look and rolled his eyes, looking out the corner of his eye at Trowa he asked "What?"

Trowa very nearly broke out into renewed laughter but he controlled himself. "www . wuman . com" He held both hands up so that his pointers and thumbs created a W formation.

Heero had unfortunately just taken a sip of his coffee and proceeded to spray it across the table before coughing and choking. Quatre burst into uncontrolled laughter and began rolling on the floor with tears streaming down his face. Duo fell back against the doorjamb chuckling and slid down so that his rear was on the floor.

Wufei stood up from the table and growled, "What did you say?" There was an expression of death on his face. Trowa cocked his head to the other side with an inquisitive look on his face. "Whassa matter Dubbya? Don't you like that website?" Quatre was practically comatose on the floor from laughing so hard and there was a bluish tinge to his skin. Duo had lost control and was laughing uproariously. Heero, no longer choking, was now chuckling and Trowa was laughing now as well, no longer needing to stay calm to tell his joke.

Wufei took a step towards Trowa, his expression of death becoming an Aura of Death. "That's it, you're dead." He raised a hand to strike at Trowa.

Heero lunged across the table and grabbed Wufei's arm. "Wum.. I mean Wufei," Heero snickered. "We're going to be late for work and this is not worth getting written up for. Duo didn't come to bed last night so I know they're all so toasted right now they don't know what they're doing. Let's go."

Wufei tried to shake off Heero but failing to do that he gave in and allowed Heero to drag him toward the door. Wufei looked back and pinned Duo with a deadly look, he pointed at Duo and said "I know this was your idea and I'll get you when you least expect it." Duo and the other two were laughing so hard they barely noticed Heero pull Wufei out the door.

KBKB

Wufei's opportunity for revenge came two weeks later when Heero had a solo mission for the Preventers. He snuck into Duo's room at 3 am with a bowl of warm water in one hand, shaving cream under that arm, a feather clenched in his teeth, and a razor and food coloring in one pocket.

He started by very carefully shaving off Duo's eyebrows, stopping temporarily when Duo twitched. He then put droplets of the food coloring on Duo's face, making sure to use all 4 colors. Once he had droplets all over his face Wufei used the feather to tickle Duo's face in a couple of different areas to make him spread the color around. When Duo's hand dropped back to the bed after wiping at his face, Wufei almost shouted out gleefully when he saw the position of Duo's hand. Off to the side, palm up. Wufei carefully dispensed shaving cream into Duo's hand and again tickled his face, spreading the shaving cream around. Wufei froze when Duo grunted and rolled over, draping his clean hand over the side of the bed.

Wufei nearly let out a 'squee' when he noticed how Duo ended up. Again the positioning was perfect, if he didn't know that Duo now slept like a rock Wufei would have been worried that the Deathscythe pilot was awake. Wufei placed Duo's hand in the bowl of warm water, gathered his tools, and quickly left the room before his laughter got the best of him.

KBKB

Duo's alarm went off at 7 am, and Duo reached up and snoozed his alarm. All he needed was a few more minutes and he'd be ready to get up. As he lay in bed he noticed that something wasn't right. -I feel wet.- He figured that he may have had a wet dream but he was long past the age that that would occur. Looking at his left hand he realized that it was covered in dry shaving cream, he also noticed that his face felt tight. Reaching up with his right hand he rubbed at his face and noticed a chalky substance that smelled (and kinda tasted) like shaving cream.

As he lifted his sheet to get out of bed he saw a very large wet spot on his bed. -Ok, not a wet dream.- He leaned down and sniffed a bit and smelled ammonia. "What the hell?!?!? I haven't wet the bed since I was 5. Hmmmmm. I wonder."

Duo moved to get out of the bed and placed his left foot directly into a bowl of water. "Whaaaaaat? Could this be revenge? Childish but effective." As he walked toward the bathroom, he passed the mirror over his dresser. About three feet past his mirror he stopped and blinked.

"Wait a minute." He walked back to look directly into the mirror and instantly a large grin crossed his face. Red, blue, yellow, and green colors were smeared across his face, his eyebrows were missing, and shaving cream was still caked on in areas. He started laughing. "Good job, 'Fei."

End

Additional AN: I have never used, nor do I truly condone the use of illegal substances. But hey, they were teenagers with the weight of 2 wars on their shoulders, I don't doubt they'd find some way to relieve some tension.

Criticism/Critique welcome.


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